Monday, December 5
Dear Ex, (Letter 1)
Dear Ex (You know who you are),
I may have had another boyfriend than you in my seemingly long life; but he was just a boy, a mere child inside a man's body. He is no more deserving of a letter than a kleenex lying on the floor, or a leaf on the ground. You though, you are an incredible person. We might not have had anything spectacular, or anything particulary worthy of note, but you have taught me more about individuality, self-worth, and love than anyone else I know. You, knowing perhaps a bit to well the consequences of your decision to be true to the person you are deep within, let the world know that you are a human, and you have the same right to love whoever your heart says to love, as the next person. Maybe more, because you have known utter pain, humiliation, and rejection, and are still willing to offer your heart to someone in exchange for their love, acceptance, and a hand to hold on the journey through life. I know now, at a more mature age, that what we had wasn't really a relationship, more of a social agreement born of curiosity, fear, and comfort. We were good friends first, and while, yes, that is the cornerstone for any great relationship, you and I both knew your secret. It is that secret that I kept for you, I wanted to protect you from society, as much as you wanted to seem normal, and to hide from your demons and ghosts. You are gay. And I love you for finding the courage to let the world know. People have turned on you, people have hurt you with all the hatred of their fear and personal loathing. I was initially selfish, I thought that when you came out to me, that it meant you were not attracted to me, and while it is true, you weren't, my self-esteem took a hit. Then I woke up one foggy morning and was looking out my bedroom window, and I realized a fundamental truth. This wasn't about me, it was about you. Once I grasped that simple revelation, my life got better.
I won't lie, you and I have had our share of fights. We've raged at each other with the fury of lovers, the subtle agony of siblings, and the knowledge that we would smooth things over that is only evident in the close relationship of friends. I thank you. You have taught me that when I find the perfect person, it will feel right. Things will click. No, they will not be easy, but they will be worth it, much like our friendship. And I will be there the day that you and your Mr. Right exchange sacred vows and rings. I love you for all that you are to me and the world and yourself. You are a precious, amazing human being, and I pray that when I do find that guy for me, that he will have many of the admirable traits I so love about you. Frankness, acceptance, strength, humor, kindness, and a strong, loving heart that has known pain, and as a result, would not wish pain upon me. Because of you I will be able to love him back, as a better person and as a better friend. -The Girl Who Kept Your Secret.